Smasher Lagru

There was confusion mixed with relief in political circles following the resignation of Fr Ian Paisley Jnr yesterday.  Following months of speculation about back handers, free houses, lobbying and bad hair cuts what seems to have forced the issue is the accusation that he used privileged information to place bets on who the next bishop of Down and Connor would be.

Paddy Powers Bookmakers have suspended betting on the Lisbreen Novice Chase amid allegations of a leak, either from the nunciature or the episcopal conference's news service, the Catholic Communications Office.  A leading commentator said if it were true he would be astonished - "it would be the first time ever the Catholic Communications Office actually had some news", said Paddy Cooney.

Paddy Powers has called in a retired PSNI officer (pictured above) to help with the investigation.

We contacted the Down and Connor Press Officer for further information or comment.  "What story?  I don't read the papers.  Call me back in September and I should have the clerical moves for you" said Fr John Mc Manus.

Mons Noel Treanor, the supposed shoo-in for D&C is an exciting speaker with a reputation for evangelical zeal, a willingness to debate in public and profound love of the Church
another diplomat.